Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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