genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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