I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
