I want to make a zoo with you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
