I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.