I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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