you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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