K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize