we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
