Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My bed smells like the plague
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
