I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
