I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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