Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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