That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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