remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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