So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
