so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
