The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
