why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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