Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
false alarm, still single
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
