i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
