only if we run a train.
done.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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