Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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