i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
