I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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