i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are my feet made of real feet?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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