I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
