also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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