i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
