I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
