dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
