So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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