I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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