no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
