If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
