Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
