I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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