All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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