I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
