You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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