The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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