i would punch a child for taco bell
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm too high and old for this...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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