It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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