evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
