I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
