Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize