brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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