the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
