he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
