Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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