I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
