She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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