I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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