and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
