Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
