i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
