I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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