Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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