So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
