So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
