He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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