after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
