I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
