if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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