So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
