When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
