then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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