Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found puke in my bra..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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