i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
